Been ages since I wrote…not that I don’t write but I write and keep it in a folder.
I don’t like this business of growing up. Its making me politically correct. I like to be what I am, say what I like, I am not going to alter things to comfort others. Period.
I am tired of working on myself. Like really...I have been working on practically everything and I don’t love it totally. I want to work on something which I don’t crib about, I want to do it for myself.
I am obsessed with beauty and beautiful things.
Teaching will always be a hobby for me. I shall not make it a profession. I should not.
Being a bit over weight makes a human think negatively of oneself, if at all he/she is bothered about it. I am overweight, I am bothered about it and I am thinking negatively of myself.
Remembering the past is the most convenient past time.
I am looking for work, anyone who has killer contacts can contact me. A friend in need is a friend indeed..:P
Knowledge is not gold. It is diamonds. Priceless. Not everyone can possess diamonds. I have started envying the one person I have suddenly started thinking of as knowledgeable.
I am going to overcome my pessimism. Love is all we need..:)
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
The road is not taken...!
The road is not taken...
things are sure to change
Another wave I don’t want to fight..
Looks like I’ll have to withstand
I dreamed of things so merry, so happy…of what I wanted, how I wanted!
I find it differently now, missed opportunities, dreams vanished
It would be tough, it will be bitter
It might be bright and sunshine once I sail through
But the reverie was brighter...
The future will unfold what I see not
It will unleash what I dream not
it will be what I hope not...
Gathering the strength again
To hold what I will never contain
It would be deep inside me
Like the past remains...
The future is yet to be
I just hope i can tolerate
Still cant believe
The road is not taken...
things are sure to change
Another wave I don’t want to fight..
Looks like I’ll have to withstand
I dreamed of things so merry, so happy…of what I wanted, how I wanted!
I find it differently now, missed opportunities, dreams vanished
It would be tough, it will be bitter
It might be bright and sunshine once I sail through
But the reverie was brighter...
The future will unfold what I see not
It will unleash what I dream not
it will be what I hope not...
Gathering the strength again
To hold what I will never contain
It would be deep inside me
Like the past remains...
The future is yet to be
I just hope i can tolerate
Still cant believe
The road is not taken...
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Manipal my sweet love…
There are just so many things I will miss manipal for, so many people so many places! This blog post is sure to be of nostalgia and carefree-ness. For writing in a blog is not journalism…No ethics involved, no tweaking! Let the thoughts flow and let them be random. For the right to thought and opinion is one’s own.
Four more days and il be gone to where I belong. The most exhilarating Rajasthan… these three years in this land of dreams has shaped me, made me who I am. I’ll miss lots of things…
The greenery: its breathtaking. I have never seen so much greenery before. Of course I am from Jaipur so it makes sense. But I love this greenery, it gives me a feeling of life.
The beach: the first beach I saw was when I came here. Though I am really bored of beaches, I guess il miss them when I wont see them….
The water: there is water everywhere you travel. Vast expanses of water. I love the Maravanthe water stretch out of all I have seen. Though it so much water and moisture here that one can get frustrated I still think il miss seeing water everywhere.
The cheap eating joints: these are not so cheap if you are associated with a member of the Greenply family but still…
Open bar: I don’t think I will visit an open bar in Jaipur or any where. Il miss this utmost freedom in Manipal.
Basil: I like that place. I love the present ambience. I wish we went together atleast once to dine in this new set up Basil has..its beautiful
13th Block: I guess I am in love with this hostel. Its clean, the akkas are good. The only fuck up is the perm time, it didn’t create too much problems…and even if it did, I just dealt with them.
The matrons: they are so irriatating. Now they are friends with me but once they called mum when I came late…gawd I wanted to kill them then…
Room No. 303: I have lived for three years in this room. Its like my little home..:(
Fresh and Honest: I will thoroughly miss fresh and honest. I have given them cool business for all these three years. I love coffee at any time of the day. These days I also socialize with the akkas occasionally. And I am in awe for most of them. About sixty percent of them are students like me, they work part time and keep reading their books.
The gossip sessions: dude, I love gossiping. But when it turns around its nasty. So I learnt a few rules and unlearnt some. Now I know when to say what and to whom, so not a major issue. Gossip sessions will still be on..:D
The peace: when you want to be with yourself you can be with yourself. Look at the sky at the night, take a walk around, go to the end point or the children’s park, take a cup of coffee and take off. Il miss this peace ….so much!
The noise: manipal is a noisy place. Go around and people will be shouting in the campuses. Our college has suddenly become an exception. Havent heard anyone shout in the recent months. There has been a lot of noise in these three years, about everything, every one, about me, about him, about her….i’ll miss these noises. They are deep inside me somewhere….will continue them to echo.
The freedom: the absolute freedom I got in the first year. I loved it. Then the concept of freedom changed but still I loved it. I will miss this freedom to do what I liked, the way I liked.
TMJ: I liked working for TMJ. It was a way of doing what I wanted to do but didn’t know how to do. Learnt a great deal. I liked the organization.
Nazlah: my first room mate who first met me and said “be at your own guard here baby, no one is your own in Manipal except your boyfriend, which I hope you don’t intend to have…haha….ridhi will kill me..” lol…I understood what she said on the last day of Manipal. Owe her so much….and I think she is the most beautiful woman I have seen. Muah..!
Davina: has taught me that if a person can learn to live with him/herself then nothing can break him/her. She sings beautifully.
Joanne: Different. I like.
Raj: the Best and the Worst. My little “powerful” baby..:P
Anadi: he is Thee man. I like him
Raga: She has changed a lot of me. Its unconscious, sub-conscious. Its just between her and me. Don’t think she knows abt it though.
Prasanna: I got him jaipuri chappals and he never wore them The next time you meet me in life il buy you new ones ok..
Ami: The bestest. And my favourite.
Roshan: she likes rajasthan and I will see her soon in jaipur. Our thoughts are opposite and i enjoy talking to her.
Surbhi: I will miss her so much…not funny.
Ram: I hate him. And he owes me an apology. I love him. And I don’t want to lose him ever.
To be continued……….
Four more days and il be gone to where I belong. The most exhilarating Rajasthan… these three years in this land of dreams has shaped me, made me who I am. I’ll miss lots of things…
The greenery: its breathtaking. I have never seen so much greenery before. Of course I am from Jaipur so it makes sense. But I love this greenery, it gives me a feeling of life.
The beach: the first beach I saw was when I came here. Though I am really bored of beaches, I guess il miss them when I wont see them….
The water: there is water everywhere you travel. Vast expanses of water. I love the Maravanthe water stretch out of all I have seen. Though it so much water and moisture here that one can get frustrated I still think il miss seeing water everywhere.
The cheap eating joints: these are not so cheap if you are associated with a member of the Greenply family but still…
Open bar: I don’t think I will visit an open bar in Jaipur or any where. Il miss this utmost freedom in Manipal.
Basil: I like that place. I love the present ambience. I wish we went together atleast once to dine in this new set up Basil has..its beautiful
13th Block: I guess I am in love with this hostel. Its clean, the akkas are good. The only fuck up is the perm time, it didn’t create too much problems…and even if it did, I just dealt with them.
The matrons: they are so irriatating. Now they are friends with me but once they called mum when I came late…gawd I wanted to kill them then…
Room No. 303: I have lived for three years in this room. Its like my little home..:(
Fresh and Honest: I will thoroughly miss fresh and honest. I have given them cool business for all these three years. I love coffee at any time of the day. These days I also socialize with the akkas occasionally. And I am in awe for most of them. About sixty percent of them are students like me, they work part time and keep reading their books.
The gossip sessions: dude, I love gossiping. But when it turns around its nasty. So I learnt a few rules and unlearnt some. Now I know when to say what and to whom, so not a major issue. Gossip sessions will still be on..:D
The peace: when you want to be with yourself you can be with yourself. Look at the sky at the night, take a walk around, go to the end point or the children’s park, take a cup of coffee and take off. Il miss this peace ….so much!
The noise: manipal is a noisy place. Go around and people will be shouting in the campuses. Our college has suddenly become an exception. Havent heard anyone shout in the recent months. There has been a lot of noise in these three years, about everything, every one, about me, about him, about her….i’ll miss these noises. They are deep inside me somewhere….will continue them to echo.
The freedom: the absolute freedom I got in the first year. I loved it. Then the concept of freedom changed but still I loved it. I will miss this freedom to do what I liked, the way I liked.
TMJ: I liked working for TMJ. It was a way of doing what I wanted to do but didn’t know how to do. Learnt a great deal. I liked the organization.
Nazlah: my first room mate who first met me and said “be at your own guard here baby, no one is your own in Manipal except your boyfriend, which I hope you don’t intend to have…haha….ridhi will kill me..” lol…I understood what she said on the last day of Manipal. Owe her so much….and I think she is the most beautiful woman I have seen. Muah..!
Davina: has taught me that if a person can learn to live with him/herself then nothing can break him/her. She sings beautifully.
Joanne: Different. I like.
Raj: the Best and the Worst. My little “powerful” baby..:P
Anadi: he is Thee man. I like him
Raga: She has changed a lot of me. Its unconscious, sub-conscious. Its just between her and me. Don’t think she knows abt it though.
Prasanna: I got him jaipuri chappals and he never wore them The next time you meet me in life il buy you new ones ok..
Ami: The bestest. And my favourite.
Roshan: she likes rajasthan and I will see her soon in jaipur. Our thoughts are opposite and i enjoy talking to her.
Surbhi: I will miss her so much…not funny.
Ram: I hate him. And he owes me an apology. I love him. And I don’t want to lose him ever.
To be continued……….
Saturday, May 2, 2009
R@nd*mness!!
Raga since you insisted i have posted this...i still say there is randomness in one's thoughts! and yes, i have tweaked it a bit ;)
I always felt the grass was greener in the other people’s pastures. After three years of Manipal my perception has changed completely. Satisfaction and contentment can be found only within yourself. You can’t hunt for it outside. And now I know, any one who appears happy is not necessarily happy.
I have realized that each individual has his/her own insecurities. If you try to touch on their insecurities they become defensive. Lets say some even become bitter after a point of time. All of what I write applies to me too coz I don’t say anything before applying it on myself. Especially when I talk about others! No one needs to write another blogpost to tell me that i should apply what I say to myself too..:P.
Anyway, coming back to my blogpost, I personally feel that Manipal actually doesn’t change you. It just makes you the person you always wanted to be. No one can make me dope as long as I never wanted to do it. No one can make me show off my cleavage lest I always wanted to do it. The concept of peer pressure in Manipal is total bullshit. If a person does something he always wanted to do it and I don’t find anything wrong with it! What goes wrong with this concept is when people are not bold enough about what they do. this makes them insecure. I might myself gossip abt a few of such people who I find are complete insecure idiots who cant be bold abt what they like, who they like, their lifestyle, everything.
But I personally also admire those who do things they like and that too with panache. There are very few selected people I know who are not insecure, they do what they like, stay with people they like, they even stay alone to be themselves, to express themselves, and I am in awe for such souls, who are peaceful. I respect them totally. But gossiping is completely different from being judgemental. i think i have no right to pass judgements on others. i can always gossip coz i like to tho..;):D
Manipal gives you a lot of freedom and each one likes to exploit this freedom to pursue their dreams or lets say wishes. When I think of how I have used this freedom, I know that it wasn’t a futile activity. Its nice if at the end of the day you don’t feel lost. However, betraying yourself in the name of freedom is not so cool.
I love Manipal for the freedom it gave me, the way it made me realize my insecurities, the way it helped me judge where I belong and also for the experiences it gave me owing to the diversity of people we have here. These three years weren’t so easy but now after they have crossed I can say I have learnt and learnt a great deal. I am at peace with this place and also within, for now I am clear what I always liked and what I will never be able to like.
:)
I always felt the grass was greener in the other people’s pastures. After three years of Manipal my perception has changed completely. Satisfaction and contentment can be found only within yourself. You can’t hunt for it outside. And now I know, any one who appears happy is not necessarily happy.
I have realized that each individual has his/her own insecurities. If you try to touch on their insecurities they become defensive. Lets say some even become bitter after a point of time. All of what I write applies to me too coz I don’t say anything before applying it on myself. Especially when I talk about others! No one needs to write another blogpost to tell me that i should apply what I say to myself too..:P.
Anyway, coming back to my blogpost, I personally feel that Manipal actually doesn’t change you. It just makes you the person you always wanted to be. No one can make me dope as long as I never wanted to do it. No one can make me show off my cleavage lest I always wanted to do it. The concept of peer pressure in Manipal is total bullshit. If a person does something he always wanted to do it and I don’t find anything wrong with it! What goes wrong with this concept is when people are not bold enough about what they do. this makes them insecure. I might myself gossip abt a few of such people who I find are complete insecure idiots who cant be bold abt what they like, who they like, their lifestyle, everything.
But I personally also admire those who do things they like and that too with panache. There are very few selected people I know who are not insecure, they do what they like, stay with people they like, they even stay alone to be themselves, to express themselves, and I am in awe for such souls, who are peaceful. I respect them totally. But gossiping is completely different from being judgemental. i think i have no right to pass judgements on others. i can always gossip coz i like to tho..;):D
Manipal gives you a lot of freedom and each one likes to exploit this freedom to pursue their dreams or lets say wishes. When I think of how I have used this freedom, I know that it wasn’t a futile activity. Its nice if at the end of the day you don’t feel lost. However, betraying yourself in the name of freedom is not so cool.
I love Manipal for the freedom it gave me, the way it made me realize my insecurities, the way it helped me judge where I belong and also for the experiences it gave me owing to the diversity of people we have here. These three years weren’t so easy but now after they have crossed I can say I have learnt and learnt a great deal. I am at peace with this place and also within, for now I am clear what I always liked and what I will never be able to like.
:)
Monday, April 6, 2009
A Restless today..
Complacence is sin! I know, and still I could dare to be complacent. Over-amibitiousness is sin again! Yet, i am saving the courage to be. There is a way things have been planned for all these years for me. And now is the time when I have the time, liberty and the responsibility of planning all the things for myself. Confused and scared. Unwilling and hopeless….i just wish things were simpler.
Changes have been such an intergral part of my existence. The minute I feel this is exactly how I want things the world turns around. From childhood its been the same. Its only now I understand this game and will be careful in playing it in future.
The manipal chapter for me ended and now manipal will get over in less than a month. This land of dreams has made me what I am, shaped my thoughts and my conduct. Can’t say how much I love this place. Like neeta mam says love can be quantified and measured, I certainly don’t want to do that. I am in love with manipal and it is my first love whatsoever..:P
Its just a recent addition that it kills me sometimes to think of some good times spent here, knowing they can never come again. Life moves on, and so will I, like some one gave me the option! But I guess now is the time to move to a new land and explore greater nuances of human existence and her social importance.
A matter plaguing me right now right here is my future- a faint ray of hope wakes me each morning. I have come to realize I am an optimist (considering many ppl’s comments about how pessimistic I am, I can still say this.) I know il do well in life, don’t know about the satisfaction I will get from it for I have lived most of my life for people I love and their satisfaction, will continue doing so, I like it that way.
This semester has again been a breathtaking one. Goa! Article 19! Australia! The work! Bali! And then will be the wedding! And then the future…..i just wish things were simpler.
Changes have been such an intergral part of my existence. The minute I feel this is exactly how I want things the world turns around. From childhood its been the same. Its only now I understand this game and will be careful in playing it in future.
The manipal chapter for me ended and now manipal will get over in less than a month. This land of dreams has made me what I am, shaped my thoughts and my conduct. Can’t say how much I love this place. Like neeta mam says love can be quantified and measured, I certainly don’t want to do that. I am in love with manipal and it is my first love whatsoever..:P
Its just a recent addition that it kills me sometimes to think of some good times spent here, knowing they can never come again. Life moves on, and so will I, like some one gave me the option! But I guess now is the time to move to a new land and explore greater nuances of human existence and her social importance.
A matter plaguing me right now right here is my future- a faint ray of hope wakes me each morning. I have come to realize I am an optimist (considering many ppl’s comments about how pessimistic I am, I can still say this.) I know il do well in life, don’t know about the satisfaction I will get from it for I have lived most of my life for people I love and their satisfaction, will continue doing so, I like it that way.
This semester has again been a breathtaking one. Goa! Article 19! Australia! The work! Bali! And then will be the wedding! And then the future…..i just wish things were simpler.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Let her be..
Cultural feminism, is what I believe in. Man and woman are neither equal nor do they need to be equal to each other. The differences are celebratory.
Let us celebrate them. Let human beings live and let live.
Women don’t need to be taught by a bunch of monkeys what to wear and what to consume, when to return back from work and when to conceive.
Let each individual be free to make the choice of living.
Women make sacrifices, live for others, work till the end of their breath, and it gets unnoticed. I know very few women who talk about all the effort they make towards a task in their lifetime. They undergo pain and resentment, rejection and accusations. Let her feel loved, let her know life without her is difficult.
Women are expected to smile at every gathering, ignore all the problems and address to the needs of her loved ones, kill her ego and be a pleasant company to her stressed counter part. She holds the onus of keeping personal affairs to herself, be silent, hold back her tears, paste a smile again.
Let her taste the freedom of expression.
Let her drooping shoulders be unburdened. Let her aching secret desires be fulfilled. Let her taste the flavour of happiness, let her break all barriers, transcend all bounds. Let her be, be with herself. Let her be who she is. Let her be a woman...
Let us celebrate them. Let human beings live and let live.
Women don’t need to be taught by a bunch of monkeys what to wear and what to consume, when to return back from work and when to conceive.
Let each individual be free to make the choice of living.
Women make sacrifices, live for others, work till the end of their breath, and it gets unnoticed. I know very few women who talk about all the effort they make towards a task in their lifetime. They undergo pain and resentment, rejection and accusations. Let her feel loved, let her know life without her is difficult.
Women are expected to smile at every gathering, ignore all the problems and address to the needs of her loved ones, kill her ego and be a pleasant company to her stressed counter part. She holds the onus of keeping personal affairs to herself, be silent, hold back her tears, paste a smile again.
Let her taste the freedom of expression.
Let her drooping shoulders be unburdened. Let her aching secret desires be fulfilled. Let her taste the flavour of happiness, let her break all barriers, transcend all bounds. Let her be, be with herself. Let her be who she is. Let her be a woman...
Monday, November 17, 2008
Views n cues.....
I learnt this a while back but posting my views on it only now..
i have learnt now that people don’t deserve my concern and I should be careful in giving it to anyone. I don’t like the idea of feeling guilty for others. I don’t need to do it. What’s the point of feeling bad for others succumbing to habits I think are inappropriate!!!
Every person has a right to make a choice and think about it in his/her own perspective. We as humans are no one to tag anything as the wrong or the right thing. But here what’s important to understand is that habits and virtues are different concepts. The person who knows the real difference between the two is in my opinion a happier person. (In terms of satisfaction I mean)
Everything seems right in the beginning and you are most enthusiastic when u begin to know about it. It looks interesting, impressive, attracting and delicious. Once you know it all, the law of diminishing marginality starts showing its effects. This fact applies to every facet of life, every action, every thought. By the time you realize what’s happening you are completely lost in it. Come back is possible for strong headed people though it is accompanied by guilt or justifications.
Every action of yours has an impact on you. It’s never for just a month, a year or a decade. It becomes a part of either your nature or your character. However fear is what pulls you back always. If you fear something or say fear someone you always tend to correct your actions, habits based on the social conception of the
The society is bound by rules and restrictions, which were imposed by a group of people because they thought those, were the right things to do or follow. But anyone who doesn’t want to abides by those rules has full right to think differently and also practice different things altogether. Forcing anyone to believe in anything without giving him/her to the chance to understand it is sin.
I recently watched Fashion, a Madhur Bhandarkar’s film which has been widely criticized for excessive nonsensical show of sex and drugs in the industry. I think the film made sense in some ways. It made me think that maybe the media is like that too. Full of betrayal, dirty competition and hypocrisy. I don’t know but these three years have actually prepared me a bit to face such a thing. I have become cautious and fearing now.
Besides all these philosophical realizations I have exams in a week’s time. I need to start studying, need to complete a lot of work before that too. And ya, fix up my career plans which are still hazy after so much toil. Sigh!
i have learnt now that people don’t deserve my concern and I should be careful in giving it to anyone. I don’t like the idea of feeling guilty for others. I don’t need to do it. What’s the point of feeling bad for others succumbing to habits I think are inappropriate!!!
Every person has a right to make a choice and think about it in his/her own perspective. We as humans are no one to tag anything as the wrong or the right thing. But here what’s important to understand is that habits and virtues are different concepts. The person who knows the real difference between the two is in my opinion a happier person. (In terms of satisfaction I mean)
Everything seems right in the beginning and you are most enthusiastic when u begin to know about it. It looks interesting, impressive, attracting and delicious. Once you know it all, the law of diminishing marginality starts showing its effects. This fact applies to every facet of life, every action, every thought. By the time you realize what’s happening you are completely lost in it. Come back is possible for strong headed people though it is accompanied by guilt or justifications.
Every action of yours has an impact on you. It’s never for just a month, a year or a decade. It becomes a part of either your nature or your character. However fear is what pulls you back always. If you fear something or say fear someone you always tend to correct your actions, habits based on the social conception of the
‘right thing.’
The society is bound by rules and restrictions, which were imposed by a group of people because they thought those, were the right things to do or follow. But anyone who doesn’t want to abides by those rules has full right to think differently and also practice different things altogether. Forcing anyone to believe in anything without giving him/her to the chance to understand it is sin.
I recently watched Fashion, a Madhur Bhandarkar’s film which has been widely criticized for excessive nonsensical show of sex and drugs in the industry. I think the film made sense in some ways. It made me think that maybe the media is like that too. Full of betrayal, dirty competition and hypocrisy. I don’t know but these three years have actually prepared me a bit to face such a thing. I have become cautious and fearing now.
Besides all these philosophical realizations I have exams in a week’s time. I need to start studying, need to complete a lot of work before that too. And ya, fix up my career plans which are still hazy after so much toil. Sigh!
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